Happy Memories
by BloodthirstyMajesty
Summary: CONTAINS GAME SPOILERS. IF YOU HAVEN'T GOT TO THE GURAK RAID AFTER ZAEL DOES THE TOWER OF TRIALS, DO NOT READ UNLESS YOU ARE FINE WITH SPOILERS Therius reminisces of days spent with General Asthar in the confines of his beloved bay window.


Mere minutes, barely an hour, had passed before Therius was stopped in the hallway that led to his chambers that was still surprisingly intact even after the devastating Gurak raid the castle had just suffered. The object in his way was in fact a person, a knight that Therius hadn't bothered learning the name of, to be specific.

"Sir Therius, I-I carry news of great i-importance to bring to your attention."

The knight seemed stiff and hesitant. Why? Therius hadn't a clue.

"What is it? Spit it out already if the news is as important as you have led me to believe."

The white knight truly was not in a good state of mind to handle this cowardly knight who was practically quaking in his boots. He had to miss a summons from General Asthar because of that raid! And now after fighting for what felt like hours, he got stopped on his way to his only sanctuary? It truly set him in an unpleasant mood. "Pissy" that lady mercenary, Syrenne, would call it.

"My apologies, Sir," the knight spoke again, taking a deep breath.

"Just tell me what the matter is so that we can both get on with our days."

"The...The general's dead!" The knight blurted.

It looked as if it physically hurt to say that, and without looking up from his boots, the unknown knight tried to brush past Therius. But before he could disappear, perhaps never to be seen by the white knight's eyes again, Therius grabbed onto the other's wrist, dragging him back in front of him.

"How?" He needed to ask.

"A dagger...th-through the chest, Sir," the frightened knight replied.

The white knight was taken aback. _Dead? General Asthar? No way. And by such a frontal attack? Even less likely. Who was strong enough with a blade to best the general? Certainly no noble, that's for sure. It must have been a surprise attack... No, wait...what am I talking about? He's not dead. He can't die! And certainly not in some crumbly basement structure by such a cowardly opponent!_ There was apart of him that knew what he had been told was true, but the rest of him wouldn't believe it, and smothered the small, sensible part of him down into the dark recesses of his mind as he walked the rest of the way to his chambers, leaving the other knight in tense, frightened silence.

As soon as the oak door shut behind him, Therius dug a slightly worn key out from his boot and locked the door. With just that one action, it seemed to have sprung up a thick safety blanket over the room.

And yet his armor felt heavy. So heavy. And it seemed to grow heavier with every step he took. Almost as if it was trying to drag him down into Hell. But he would not let it.

As quick as he could possibly manage without falling on his face, Therius removed his armor, leaving him in the black shirt and dark grey pants that he wore underneath. Almost immediately, he felt a weight lift from his shoulders, and yet, it did not disappear completely, instead choosing to linger painfully right beside his heart.

The armorless knight's room was bare. No paintings decorating the walls, no vast amount of books on the shelves, no personal possessions. Therius had no need for those things so why should he have them take up room that could be used for something of more importance in the future? It was ridiculous.

However, his eyes fell upon the bay window at the end of the room, with it's bright blue cushions and comforting atmosphere. The only thing of personal worth to the white knight that still existed in this world.

General Asthar had convinced him to get this room instead of the other one at the opposite end of the hall, convinced that Therius would immediately fall in love with the peaceful bay window, and although he had never said it aloud, Therius deeply appreciated the small alcove. He knew that Asthar had known that he enjoyed it. Every time the knight came into his room he would sit there, and now was no exception.

The sky outside the window looked as bleak as he felt, grey with smoke and rain clouds. Almost the same shade as Asthar's eyes...

Without even realizing it, Therius had begun to cry, tears streaming numbly down his cheeks. He didn't know why; he felt nothing. No sorrow, no anger, no fear for the future, nothing. Maybe it was because he felt nothing that he was crying. His body was trying to patch the hole in his heart with any emotion it could get its hands on. Maybe that's why, as he continued to stare up at the sky, that his mind suddenly decided to wander, reminiscing about the past. Normally, Therius would fight off such mind wandering, especially about the days long gone, and yet...he just didn't care enough to send the ghosts of the past away this time. All that mattered to him now was the stormy sky and his comforting bay window.

_Robbers had stolen from a small bakery in an equally small town that 14 year old Therius had just happened to visit in his travels. Of course, being the boy with such a strong sense of justice, he could not just stand by while a group of dastardly thieves ran off with a defenseless woman's hard earned money. It would leave a bad taste on his tongue and a guilty weight on his heart to just walk away from something as cruel as that._

_And so he chased them. Chased them through allies and streets, long since having memorized the layout of the town a few days prior, until they made a mistake. They had blocked themselves in; a brick wall on one side and Therius on the other._

_He drew his weapon, a worn, battle loved short sword that he had bought awhile ago from a traveling trader, and pointed the tip at the trio of thieves._

"_Hand over the money, and I will give you mercy from my blade."_

_Therius could see a hint of mischief in their eyes, but it was soon smothered out by a look of defeat._

_**That's more like it. I have caught dozens more than them; they cannot escape me or justice. Better if they just accept their defeat now.**_

"_Fine, fine," the leader said, lowering the bag with the money before raising his hands behind his head. The other two followed suit, and the leader kicked the bag across the distance between them and Therius. "We surrender and accept whatever punishment you have in store for us."_

_Therius nodded firmly, somewhat to himself, before lowering his blade and crouching down to pick up the money. However, he had made a mistake in doing so. His eyes had left the enemy in favor for the bag, and he only had time to hear a blade unsheath itself and a shout directed at him, although he could not make out what it had said, before he had been knocked over onto his back by a large weight._

_Peering up and over the large blue cape that was shielding him, Therius saw that the cape was in fact attached to a person. A person who was bent over him. A person who was clenching the blade of a dagger in his armor clad fist. A person who was a knight. A **high ranking **knight. So high ranked that even Therius knew who he was. Supreme Commander Asthar._

_Excitement bubbled up inside of the boy, despite what was happening around him. Supreme Commander Asthar from the Emperor's most trusted troops, had saved **his** life. This was probably the best day of his existence! ...Despite being almost killed by a bunch of thieves. That part wasn't that great. Why was he in such a small town, though? It seemed too good to be true. Therius let it slide for now, however._

"_Stay here, boy," Asthar said, getting up from his bent position and throwing the knife to the side. "I will make sure that these criminals get their just desserts."_

_Therius watched with wide eyes as the knight engaged with the three thieves. At first it seemed as though Asthar was winning, but soon he seemed to tire out. Not a lot, but enough so that one of the lesser thieves could sneak up behind him without Asthar noticing. And before Therius knew it, he had grasped his own blade and stepped in between the Supreme Commander and the jagged knife -a criss, Therius recognized- that was sweeping in a high arch towards his neck, catching it on his short sword before pushing the thief away with a well placed kick to the gut. He heard ribs crack as the thief fell to the ground._

_In the amount of time it took for Therius to disable one thief, Asthar had just finished taking care of the remaining two. All lie on the filthy ground in pain._

_Asthar turned towards the white haired boy with a large, bordering on creepy but still managing to be friendly, grin._

"_Good job, lad!" He praised. "Not only did you keep yourself uninjured you protected me in the midst of battle." Therius felt his cheeks warm. "Although..." Asthar's smile drooped. "You did make a fatal mistake when taking your eyes off the enemy."_

_Shame tightened his chest, but Therius refused to take his eyes away from the Supreme Commander's._

"_I understand that now, Supreme Commander."_

_Asthar chuckled._

"_You're a good boy. What's your name?"_

"_Therius, sir."_

"_A good name; it fits you." Asthar began to walk away. "But I'm afraid I have to go. I have an important meeting to attend to that I fear I'm already late for."_

"_Ah...!" **No, not yet! This can't be over yet. I have so much to ask and so much to learn! **"Please, wait, Supreme Commander!"_

"_Hm?" The man turned around until he was facing Therius once more. "What is it, lad?"_

_With as much determination he could muster, the white haired boy replied in a steady voice, "Please, make me your pupil, sir!"_

_A look of understanding crossed Asthar's face._

"_Normally when I get these requests, I reject them." Therius felt his hope plummet, but he still held on. "But..." That grin from earlier reappeared on the Supreme Commander's face, yet with a hint of playful mischief hiding within it this time. "I like you, Therius. You have good skills, good manners, and lots of room to grow, not to mention a rather interesting personality nowadays."_

"_So...?" Therius asked tentatively._

_Asthar barked out a laugh._

"_Yes, boy! I accept you as my student."_

_The boy's eyes must've gone as wide as saucers in that moment. He truly did not expect Asthar to agree. Best case scenario he would just be brushed off, worst case, he would be beaten black and blue for suggesting such a thing. But the Supreme Commander had accepted... He had accepted!_

_Asthar turned around, gesturing over his shoulder for Therius to follow._

"_Come along now, Therius. We've got a boring meeting to attend."_

_The boy lightly sprinted to catch up, walking by the Supreme Commander's side as his question from earlier popped back into his head._

"_Why are you in such a small village anyway, Sir?" He asked._

"_Why, I have a meeting. I just told you."_

"_Oh." Therius kind of thought there would be...more to it. Guess Asthar didn't trust him, although that was fair; they had just met._

"_I'm just pulling your leg, Therius. You needn't be so glum." The Supreme Commander laughed._

_The white haired boy felt himself perk up a bit._

"_As you wish, Sir!"_

"_The real reason I'm here is that the Emperor sent me to investigate rumours of a rising coup that's taking place in this town among a few other neighboring ones," Asthar explained._

"_Sounds important, Sir."_

"_Indeed, it is," he grinned at Therius. "And you're coming along for the ride."_

"_It would be my pleasure," Therius smiled back._

There was no way. No way that the man who had risen to Supreme Commander for the Emperor and taken down two thieves simultaneously that were the same size as him in a tiny alley could fall to one lowly coward who resorted to a sneak attack in such a spacious room. No way. The general must still be alive. This was all just some sick prank...! Yes! That's what it was! Asthar was upset about Therius not acting as the knight he was, so he faked his own death to teach him a lesson.

Therius started to giggle madly. _Of course! It's all clear now. It'll be alright now..._

And as quickly as the laughter started, it stopped.

"General...you can't be dead..."

_Therius had just beaten the Tower of Trials and had knighthood bestowed upon him. He had always thought it would make him feel different. Special somehow. But it just felt the same. Not to mention he and former Supreme Commander Asthar had left the Mainland and just moved to Lazulis Island the other week and Therius had settled in rather quickly, not looking back at his homeland. Normal people would feel at least some sort of loss after leaving the place of their birth. But Therius did not. It was strange, but he did not ponder on it anymore. It would only lead to confusion and problems. And he had had enough of that._

_Which is why he was in the courtyard; to get away from his thoughts, enjoy the fresh air and relaxing sounds. Although, Therius had to admit...it wasn't working too well._

_He was so lost in the concentration it took to keep himself from thinking that he didn't noticed Asthar coming from the other direction until it was too late._

_Armor clanked and startled shouts rang out in the air as Therius had all but bumped into Asthar with enough force to send him to the ground, where he landed on his rear._

"_Ah! Sir Therius!" Asthar had been flaunting the newly fledged knight's title ever since he gained it. The older seemed more excited than Therius was about it. "What's the matter? It's not like you to be so preoccupied in your own head." Asthar offered his hand to the downed knight. Therius took it, of course. To do elsewise would be rude of him._

"_My apologies for bumping into you, Sir."_

_Truth be told, Therius could probably start calling him "general" now, considering Asthar's own title ceremony was just a few days away, but the white knight had been calling him "sir" for almost a year now, so without that "general" title in place, Therius would not have the will strength to break his habit._

"_You needn't worry about that; it's fine," Asthar replied._

"_Are you injured, Sir?"_

_The soon-to-be general shook his head fondly._

"_I'm fine, Therius. I should be the one asking if you are all right. You took a bit of a tumble there."_

"_I am unharmed, Sir."_

"_Good."_

_Asthar started walking again, and out of habit, Therius followed._

"_What is on your mind today?"_

"_Nothing of importance, I assure you, Sir," Therius responded._

"_Now, now, Therius. You know I can tell when you're lying."_

_**But...I'm not lying. He truly shouldn't be worried about such trifle thoughts.**_

"_It is of no importance," the white knight repeated._

"_Okay, then. If you insist." A small, mischievous smile stretched Asthar's lips. "But I have just the thing to get you to pull yourself back down to earth."_

"_Oh? What is it you wish for me to do, Sir?"_

"_Let us spar. It has been quite awhile since we have done so."_

"_As you command, Sir."_

"_You don't have to be so formal, Therius. It's just us." Asthar chuckled._

"_Yes, Sir. I shall bear that in mind."_

_And so, in the middle of the courtyard, they drew their swords and began their sparring match. The few nobles who entered the beautiful area quickly went back the way they came after catching a glance of the two knights in their harmless -albeit, frightening- duel. The sound of metal against metal was the music to their dancing step-work as the minutes came and went, occasionally broken by the sound of a shattering flower pot, neither giving the other a way through._

_Yet almost twenty minutes later, the battle was decided, with neither one being surprised at the outcome._

_Therius had lost, of course. There was no way he would ever be able to defeat Asthar. That statement was certain._

_Their swords were resheathed._

"_That was a good match, Sir Therius!" Asthar exclaimed, his iconic, huge grin showing how much fun he had. Therius was less outgoing._

"_Thank you for the match, Sir. It was an honor."_

"_Cheer up, lad! No need to look so depressed." That same grin took on a sharp, amused edge. "Or...could it be that you're frustrated that you keep losing...?"_

"_Not in the least, Sir." It was true. It was a gift just to be able to fight Asthar like that. Therius cared quite little about the results._

"_Are you sure about that?" The almost general was toying with him; the white knight could figure out that much._

"_Yes, Sir." Therius did not let it take effect._

"_Good." Asthar nodded. To himself or the younger, Therius didn't know. "T'would be a shame if you left me just because you couldn't handle a bit of loss."_

"_I would never, Sir."_

"_Oh?"_

"_I shall continue to stay by your side until you wish for me to do so no more. You have my word."_

_Asthar barked out a laugh._

"_I'm going to hold you to that promise, Therius. And if you break it, well..." the older pretended to think for a few seconds, before donning his grin once more. "We'll spar from sun up til sun down until you can no longer swing a blade."_

_Therius knew that it wasn't a punishment. Asthar knew, too. Yet no matter how tempting the offer to break his oath, Therius swore that he would stick by the former supreme commander's side, for better or worse, and he would never go against that. He could never bear to._

Therius's mouth curled down in a frown, as the first emotion he had felt in these past moments, however long or short, started to surface. Anger.

_I didn't keep my promise. I left the general..._

"Why didn't I train harder...?!" His words started out in a growling mumble, slowly going up in volume until he was nearly shouting. "Why didn't I run after him when I heard where he was?! Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid...!" His fingers found a way into his hair, tangling the strands and tugging harshly at the roots. Surprisingly, no hair came out.

He felt his anger fizzle out as the tears that had stopped a bit ago returned to wet his eyes, yet did not fall onto his cheeks.

_Why couldn't I be stronger...?_

His silent question went unanswered.

_The general was going off to an enemy country. Even though it wasn't for war, the prospect of the object of Therius's adoration leaving his side to a place he might be killed simply terrified him. Which is why, an hour before departure, Therius confronted Asthar in his chambers._

"_Take me with you, General!"_

_Asthar must have seen the nervousness and fear that hid in the younger's green eyes, for the older put on a bright, comforting smile and went about calming the worries Therius held inside him._

"_I'm not leaving forever, Therius. It's only to make a treaty with them. I'll be back, don't worry!"_

_Therius couldn't help it. He knew it was irrational, but no matter how much he tried to smother the anxious feelings in his gut, they just came back a little bit stronger._

_**What if he comes back in a wagon for the dead...?** The white knight hid his watery eyes behind his hair. **I don't want him to leave!**_

"_Please..." he murmured. "Please, don't go."_

"_Therius..."_

"_I don't want you to get hurt somewhere where I can't get to you...!"_

_Therius's eyes went wide as a calloused hand was placed against his cheek, thumb rubbing at the pale skin slowly._

"_Calm down. It's all right. I'll only be gone for a fortnight. And I'll make sure to write you every day I'm away." Asthar gently brought Therius's head up so that their eyes met. "I won't allow for myself to get hurt. I can't be out of commission now when you still have much to learn. I can't stand the thought of you training under a new master." He grinned. "It'd be too much for my fragile heart to bear."_

_Asthar leaned down and pressed a chaste kiss to the corner of the younger's lips._

_A flush rose up Therius's face, but he would not duck away from the general's gaze, instead meeting it head on._

"_I shall await your letters every day, General, and if I do not receive them as promised, I shall take a ship to you immediately and bring you back."_

_Asthar laughed, placing his hand that was once on Therius's cheek on the top of the white knight's head, ruffling the soft white hair._

"_I'll be counting on it, Therius."_

_With a wave over his shoulder, the general left, leaving Therius with a new surge of determination._

_True to his word in the days to pass, the white knight visited the Lookout Point every evening in search of Asthar's ship. The older kept his word, too, sending falcons, blue birds, ravens, and other foreign birds Therius did not know the names of with letters of what was going on. The two weeks passed quickly, yet all too slow, until finally, on the last waking hours of the fourteenth day, the green eyed knight welcomed his master back home._

Therius's eyes were closed now, knees drawn up to his chest, cheek resting against the cool glass which now had small raindrops sliding down it.

_Why can't humans turn back time? Why do the gods have to take everything good away from us, leaving us with memories that hurt to think about and people who don't care?_

"Can I have him back, please...?" His voice was but a mere whisper as the beg slipped from his barely parted lips. "Couldn't you have taken someone else? Someone undeserving to live?"

Therius would have offered himself, but even if that brought Asthar back, he would still be leaving him, still be a failure, still be breaking his promise. So he had to live, however much it hurt. But if the gods refused to give the general back from their golden prisons, maybe Therius would be able to join him in death.

Fate was a cruel mistress. Always had been, always will be. And there was nothing Therius could do to change that, however much he wished to.

_Therius was racing back and forth between his own chambers, Asthar's room, and the first aid supply room, collecting bandages and medicine and other supplies._

_Asthar had broken his leg in the battle passed. Therius, being the man's student, took it upon himself to nurse the general back to full health. He would not take no for an answer, even if the older told him so._

_When he arrived back in Asthar's room for the final time, the white knight quickly rushed over to the man and, with the utmost care, wrapped medicinal cream slathered gauze around the general's injured leg._

_The original injury had been much worse than what it was at that moment, with the bone breaking the skin, and large gashes tearing the muscle. But the healing mages had fixed the most serious damage. All that was left for Therius to take care of was a fractured bone and a large cut._

_It had almost scared him to death when Asthar collapsed in front of him, bleeding out onto the battlefield. And guilt was soon to set in._

_It had been Therius's fault for getting the general hurt. He hadn't been watching his back, and a big, hulking warrior took that chance to attack him from behind. Except he never got to hit his intended target, for General Asthar had pushed him out of the way, getting hit by the giant stone hammer himself. The force of the attack had broken his leg and many of the muscles, too, yet Asthar had not screamed._

_Now that Therius had seen the one who hurt Asthar, he wasted no time in felling the large man-beast. After which, he quickly brought his injured master to the closest healer he could find in the chaos that surrounded them._

_Even though one might argue that he saved Asthar's life in the end, there was still the fact that Therius had been the one at fault for the injury._

_His guilt and self-blame must have been apparent, for Asthar started talking in the way that Therius had figured out to be meant as a pleasant distraction from his thoughts._

"_Now, Therius, I'm not made of glass, you know. You don't need to bandage me so gently as though I'm an injured kitten." Although it came off as a scolding, Asthar's tone was amused._

"_I cannot risk having you injured more than you already are. You must heal quickly and steadily, General."_

"_Of course." The older smirked. "We wouldn't want to worry you, would we?"_

"_No, General, we wouldn't. But I fear that's par for the course with being your pupil. I must always worry."_

_Asthar laughed._

"_I'm quite the handful, aren't I?"_

"_Indeed. But I do not mind, General."_

"_You're a good student for dealing with me for all this time."_

_Therius allowed just the tiniest smile to grace his face at the praise._

"_It is my honor to, General."_

_For just that one moment, the white knight forgot all about how Asthar's wound would likely end up permanent, forgot all about how there were still rogues out there, killing innocent people and burning villages, forgot how the Count wasn't all that trustworthy to him, forgot that all good days ended quicker than they lasted, all that he remembered in that singular moment was how happy he was serving by General Asthar's side instead of being some justice keeper in the tiny streets of a tiny town. Therius didn't want anything to change. And nothing did in those few moments._

But of course, everything did. In the worst ways possible. The wound birthed a large scar and a slight limp Asthar beared for the rest of his life. War began. The land had begun to die even faster. Murders secretly took place in town. The reptids came out of hiding. Therius was naïve to think that nothing would change. Everything changed, whether he was there to witness it or not.

He still blamed himself. Being the one at fault for an injury that impacted Asthar's life was a debt that only his life could repay.

Therius's throat tightened up, wanting to cry, but there were no tears left to cry. Maybe that was for the better. Crying was unbefitting for a knight. If anyone were to see him now, they might return him to but a lacky rank, and then...then he could not find the one responsible for Asthar's death and punish them justly. He would sit useless, unable to help, unable to serve even to the dead.

It was then that Therius's mind took a small little detour to a few thoughts past.

"I wonder..." he whispered, opening his eyes to be greeted by a light rain shower and grey skies that echoed his feelings beautifully. His own feelings were ugly things. "If I had taken that hit that day...would the general still be alive? Would he have been able to fight off that cowardly attacker without the burden of his leg weighing him down?"

Therius would never know. And it bugged him, worsening the heavy, dark cloud inside himself at the thought that if he had just seen the attack coming, or taken the hit himself...maybe things would be different. Maybe...just maybe...Asthar would still be alive and here with him.

_The day prior, Asthar had bombarded Therius with the news of them meeting up in the latter's room to "just talk". Asthar had said nothing about a time, and those who had only known him for a short while would think that the times he showed up would be sporadic, random, but Therius knew about the pattern. Asthar would always arrive when the sun was at it's highest point in the sky, so that's when he would meet up with the younger, in just a few minutes._

_Once the green eyed knight asked about said pattern. Asthar had easily dodged around it, but a trip to the older's chambers let the truth come to light._

_On most days...Asthar slept until noon. He left immediately after waking up. How anyone could be that cheery as soon as they wake, Therius had no clue. He himself was always rather cranky when he awoke and for most others, that was the case as well._

_Therius summed it up to the general just being weird._

_Today was a day when no armor was needed, and the white knight felt naked without it. He forced himself to get over it, however. There would be no battles today, nor any war planning for him to attend. All today would be would be a calm, relaxing day for him and General Asthar to talk._

_He sat in his blue bay window, watching the clouds pass over the steadily rising sun, waiting for Asthar to appear, most likely in a loud racket, but bringing in a refreshing taste of happiness and a carefree feeling that Therius treasured. It was relieving and calming after stressful days of war and nights filled with endless thoughts, most of the time unpleasant ones._

_**Speak of the devil,** he thought fondly as his door slammed open and closed and the general walked in with a large grin on his face._

"_Were you waiting for me long, Therius?" He asked._

"_Not at all, General," the knight in question replied. "I knew exactly when you were going to show up. 'Tis always the same every time. It might do you some good to wake up a little earlier, Sir."_

_Asthar laughed, coming closer and taking a seat upon Therius's neatly made bed. "You have a point there. I'll try, but no promises."_

"_I shall make you drop this nasty habit, General, if it's the last thing I do."_

_To others, it might have sounded as though the white knight was being completely serious with his dry tone and blank face, but Asthar had picked up on the small teasing lilt to the younger's voice and it showed in his face._

_Asthar was the only one who could recognize his dull jokes and that was another quality about him that Therius treasured._

"_And I'll finally make you sound like you're actually making a joke, if it's the last thing I do," Asthar replied, cocky grin still in place (although, did it get even cockier?)._

_All went silent then, Asthar joining Therius in looking out the window at the sky. Just...Therius wasn't looking at the sky anymore._

_Green eyes took in the figure of the older man, hoping not to get caught and to get caught all at the same time. Broad shoulders, straight posture, the scar across his right eye and the scar across his nose, the faint crow's feet in the corners of his eyes from laughing too much, the chestnut hair that somehow refused to grey (Therius blamed it on Asthar's light-hearted nature)._

_The longer the white knight watched, a familiar emotion grew within him until he felt as though it would tear him apart at the seams. But Therius knew it wouldn't. He had been dealing with this emotion for a long while now, almost a year, although he would admit it seemed to be worsening, getting larger and more unbearable as the days went on._

_Within the first few weeks of this emotion plaguing him, Therius figured out the cause._

_He always felt it when he thought of Asthar._

_Now thinking about the general was a thing he did rather frequently, even before this dilemma occurred, so it rather baffled him at first. Why would this feeling randomly appear? But as Therius slowly thought about the small happenings of the previous year, he figured it out._

_Each new surge of the familiar emotion occurred whenever Asthar would touch the younger, whether it be a ruffle of his hair or a celebratory clap on the back, both of which happened quite a lot that year, Therius would feel an overwhelming...**something**, something akin to fondness. And so the white knight began to think of emotions that were similar to fondness, cycling through adoration, devotion, respect, all of which he knew the feeling of, because he felt them more than even this unnamed one. And then his guessings started to get a bit closer to the truth. Affection, endearment, sentiment. He cycled through them all until he got to one in particular. "It can't be love, could it...?" He had murmured back then. Yet the longer he thought about it, the more he realized that it was true. He loved Asthar._

"_Therius."_

_The general's voice brought Therius's head back down to earth, away from his thoughts with a slight jump._

"_Yes, General?" The white knight sat up a little bit straighter, a small part of his mind realizing that he had probably been creepily staring for a while, but he shoved that aside and chose to ignore it for the time being._

"_You were zoning out pretty badly there. Is everything all right?"_

"_Yes, of course, General. I was just thinking," Therius replied._

"_May I pry a bit and ask of what?"_

_The younger did not respond, even though his mind was screaming at him to do so. Not answering a question from a superior was highly rude, not to mention, it weighed heavily on his conscience. If this wasn't Asthar he was speaking to, he'd most likely receive a whipping for his disrespect. But he had to sort his thoughts out first. Should he tell the general the truth, that he had been thinking about the older? Or should he hide that and say that he was just stressed because of the war? Neither of the options sat well in his stomach. **But...** Therius reasoned with himself. **Truth is better than lies.**_

"_Of you, General." Bluntness coated Therius's voice._

_Asthar's eyes widened in surprise. Therius didn't blame him. No one would really expect the stoic, unfeeling, green eyed knight to think about anything other than war, training, and the Count's safety. Often times when the white haired lad was walking through the corridors, or through the courtyard, or even through town, he heard whispers from nobles and fellow knights alike about how he had no heart. Most of Lazulis had heard of this particular whisper, and believed it, by now._

_Therius didn't know what he expected Asthar to say, but it certainly wasn't the questioning 'oh?' that escaped the general's lips._

_A small flush of embarrassment crawled up his neck, and he turned to face the window, actually looking out it this time. His voice remained steady, however._

"_I was just observing you for any lingering injuries from your duel with Zael," Therius lied._

_He let out a silent sigh. He ended up bluffing to his master anyway. How pathetic that he could not get over his own embarrassment. What was there even to be embarrassed about? He was just admiring Asthar's attractive looks, why should he feel the need to keep that such a secret? Emotions were strange. Sometimes he wished he truly was as heartless and emotionless as the rumours and whispers told him out to be. Maybe then this aching in his chest would go away._

"_Oh?" Mischief lined the older's voice as he smirked. "Is **that** it?"_

_Asthar got up with a soft click of the heels of his boots on the tile, walking over to sit on what was left of the bay window next to Therius, throwing his broad arm around the younger's shoulders, careful not to tug at the long braid of white hair that trailed down his back._

"_Come now, Therius, you know I can see right through you." Asthar nudged him gently. "Tell me; get it off your chest."_

_Resorting to his natural bluntness again, the white knight tried to get this over with as quickly as he could so that the topic could be changed._

"_I was admiring how you looked, Sir."_

_Asthar's grin widened, leaning in closer to Therius's face as if trying to intimidate him. It did not work._

"_You find me attractive~?"_

_Therius thanked the heavens for his steady voice. His heart was beating so loudy, he wondered if the general could hear it. He could probably feel it, considering the older's arm was right by his neck._

"_Quite."_

_Asthar suddenly cheered out, smiling like a madman._

"_Haha! I was right! See? Didn't I tell you that I could read you like a book?"_

_The younger allowed a small smile to grace his lips at the general's passionate outburst. He couldn't help but tease back, though. 'Twas just too big of an urge._

"_Not necessarily those words, General, so no. You did not tell me."_

_Asthar sighed, his smile turning fond._

"_You witty little thing..." His grin sprung back to life seconds after the words had been uttered. How this man could smile so much without pause, and even in trying times like these, Therius knew not. He was just a big bundle of mysteries...the white knight found he didn't mind much, though. It kept him entertained. Asthar continued._

"_Either way, I should get a reward. I guessed right! Maybe a cake, or a few days straight of sparring, or even a little vacation when this war ends." Asthar went on about what he wanted as a reward, Therius had a different idea. A bit of a reckless one (and highly embarrassing for sure), but for some reason, he felt as though it was what he was supposed to do._

_Tilting his head up a bit, movements restricted because of the general at his side, Therius gave the corner of Asthar's mouth a gentle peck, like the older had done to him years before._

_The general had ceased his joyous ramblings when the white knight's lips made contact, and stared, rather shocked, at him once the younger drew away._

_The green eyed knight looked back out the window, fully aware of what had happened as he began to apologize for his actions._

"_My apologies, General, I did not-"_

_Before his sentence could be completed, Therius felt himself grabbed around the waist and pushed into a strong side. And as he looked up to question the older, Asthar pressed his lips against the stunned knight's._

_The kiss only lasted for a few seconds, but those few seconds would forever be carved into Therius's mind as one of the best few seconds of his life. It didn't even feel like seconds. It felt like minutes, hours, milliseconds, but then it was over, and Asthar was beaming at him, with his trademark grin._

_The general bumped their foreheads together, as he whispered, almost as if he was afraid to break the atmosphere, "This has been marvelous, Therius. But we still have to go and get Zael for your double lesson in a few minutes."_

_With that, Therius snapped out of his bliss induced haze and squeezed out of the bay window, nearly tripping on Asthar's legs before heading to the wardrobe that held his armor._

_He could not believe it. He had forgotten such an important task for the day. Perhaps he was too excited about spending time with the general that he had pushed any other plans out of mind. Shame on him. He would not forget about something like this ever again._

_Unknowingly, that tearing, heavy feeling in his chest had gone away, leaving him lighter as he went about taking his armor out and resting his rapier on the bed. He was too busy to notice the feeling's absence._

_Hurriedly, he strapped all his armor on, tied off what needed to be tied off, and placed his previously bare feet into his boots and boot guards. All the while, Asthar just sat in the bay window, watching, forever with that faint smile on his face. The green eyed knight was just about to leave when the general called out for him._

"_Therius,"_

"_Yes, General?"_

"_I love you."_

_The blush that had finally retreated returned in full force._

"_The feeling is mutual, General."_

_Asthar chuckled. "Good. I'm glad to hear it." He gestured with his chin towards the door. "Now go fetch that silly boy! Show 'im how it's done!" Smile turned to grin, like it typically did, and Therius stood straighter than before._

"_Yes, General."_

That kiss had been the last moment they spent together. Full of love and fondness before everything turned to chaos.

During that memory, Therius had slid down the wall against his back so that he was now curled up in a ball, facing the window. All his energy seemed to have been sucked out of him, leaving him as nothing but an empty, hurting shell, feeling as though he was being torn apart with a monster's teeth gnawing away at his innards. And yet, he felt light, as he had finally accepted the general's death. Because at least he set some things right in their last conversation.

Dry, shuddering sobs wracked his form as he gazed up at the grey sky that was already starting to fade, letting in chunks of blue. He felt so tired, yet he knew he would not be able to sleep.

Voice cracking and eyes closing, Therius began to hum a lullaby that Asthar had taught him, long ago, when he was still Supreme Commander and Therius knew only the basic ways of the blade. Long ago, when they would stay in the Emperor's great library until the dead of night, when only the patrolling guards were awake. Long ago, when Asthar would still buy him little treats from the bakery in town. Long ago, when he asked for hugs, no matter how embarrassed he was about it. Long ago, when everything was peaceful and happy.

Looking up at the now clearing sky once more, Therius was reminded of those days and it only seemed to worsen the pain in his heart.

"Why...?" His shoulders shuddered with emotion. "Why did you have to leave me...?"

The castle moved on, quickly forgetting this loss as more tragedy befell them. Asthar's name was written in the records of the library, and quickly became as known as the Count himself, yet nobody seemed to hold anymore emotion for him; all that he was forgotten by many, and only his heroic deeds transcribed into the books and scrolls. An yet...Therius never forgot. His reason for fighting, for _living_, was Asthar. He burned the man's memory into his heart, to be there for eternity, began writing his own records of the late general's life in secret, and never forgot. Not even when death was at his door, or the few people he could call friends drifted away. He never forgot.

_Even if the world forgets, I will always remember the way you changed my life._

_I love you, Asthar._

Whoo! I'm glad that's over with! Seriously though...this thing fought me SO MUCH. Even the TITLE fought me. But anyway, enough with my complaining, and let's play a little game~! Can anyone guess the theme of this fic? If you can, I'll give you a basket of internet cookies! I hope you have a happy day (unlike poor Therius), and I'll see you all...whenever I get a new idea for another Therius/Asthar fic~!

Bye-bye~!

Majesty


End file.
